Friday, August 30, 2013
I've got it made....do I??
So, Today as I was in the garden picking green beans....a small kitten playing at my feet, jumping in the bushel basket, trying to get a free ride....I remembered a day that was similar to this, a few years ago. Lets go back to that day, for a minute. It was a warm morning, and I was trying to pick the green beans while battling sweat bees, bumble bees, and stink bugs...still trying to get over the loss of our oldest son to a tragic drowning accident just 3 months earlier...when a van drove by my homestead, and a man leans out the window and said...." Girl, You got it made" This took me by surprise. I stopped, standing there wondering...DO I?? So this morning, this memory flooded me as I was there in the garden. I could clearly hear that mans voice..." Girl, you got it made" So I thought about it....IF I "have it made" It is because " I MADE IT!" We raised 4 children while my husband was in the military...gone almost as much , if not more, than he was home. I essentially was a " single parent" Or at least I felt that way a lot of the time. While he was off in other countries, standing for our freedom, I was on the home front, trying my best to make ends meet. Keeping our 3 teen age boys out of trouble, and our daughter as level headed as possible, without their dad's influence. Yeah, I "had it made" Hmmmm. I get up before the sun, and get ready to start my day...hot or cold, sick or not..on every holiday.The animals do not have holidays...they need fed and watered, and cared for no matter what day it is, no matter how we feel. We live in a small town, where everyone pretty much knows one another. A big part of which are farmers. This particular person, that thinks I have it made...is one of the many in our town who chose a very different way in life. He lives in free housing..wakes from his drunken stupor about the time I am finally getting a bite to eat around noon. He works only when his money is running low, and needs his "fix" whether it is drugs or alcohol. I want so badly to ask him...Do you have the same feeling as you swipe your government given food stamp card, to get your groceries as I do when I go to my pantry and pick out a jar of food?? Food that I have labored over..grown and canned.?? Have you ever stood there with a dead baby chick, crying over it? Or fell to your knees in defeat, asking God "WHY?" when you have worked so hard to till, plant, and weed a garden that you are depending on to feed your family through winter..only to have a hail storm come and take away all of your hard work? Then standing tall, and being determined to NOT let it get the best of you, you start over and replant everything, praying you have enough time for it to produce what you will need. Have you stood in a hot kitchen, so tired you "cat nap" while standing there, waiting for that pressure to release from the canner so you can pull out the jars, and put in yet another batch? Well, I have. I also have cried happy tears at the sight of a new born lamb, or a baby goat, struggling to get to their feet for the first time. And I have sighed with relief when I see those beautiful babies finally find momma's teet for the first time. I have felt a small bit of guilt, as I send those pigs to slaughter....the same pigs I have fed, watered, and cared for for the last 5 or 6 months of their lives....then thank them as I know they give their life to save mine. I have felt pride when I smell that loaf of bread fresh from the oven, and know it will nourish us because I CAN make it. 8 years ago, when we began this journey I would never have believed that we would " have it made" But as I look around...I see we DO have it made...because WE MADE IT with our own hands...with sweat, blood and tears. Tears of sorrow and joy. So the next time I am out there, grumbling about the heat, or the cold...cussing the chain saw because it will not start...rubbing my aching back from a long day of hard work...I will remind myself.......WE MADE IT. So yes...I guess .. WE GOT IT MADE. And with that said....I need to go hang out a load of wash...then check the canner to see if it is finished releasing pressure, and stir the tomato's that I have cooking down to make spaghetti sauce...and only when these tasks are finished, will I take my break and get a bite to eat....then get back outside and do whatever it takes to MAKE IT. I am a mother, wife, christian, and farmer...I am proud of what we have because I know it was not given to us..we worked hard to get here.